Emily Miner

Time Blocking

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My planner and I have a rather intimate relationship. I go everywhere with it; it goes everywhere with me (theoretically). In all seriousness though, I attribute my ability to juggle several responsibilities at once to effective time management skills.

In college, though admittedly over committed, I honestly thrived on the structure provided to me by my busy schedule. When I had too much time on my hands, I found myself wasting time (or overtraining). Like I’ve said before, school was my PRIORITY so not getting it done was NOT an option. That meant that if I only had an hour in between class and one of the three jobs I worked during those years, that it had to get done- NO if’s, and’s, or but’s! I tried to do (and be) it all, did and somehow managed to pull it all off, BUT at a great expense: high stress, little sleep and I shamefully admit now, compromised work quality, at times. Had I instead chosen to FOCUS on one thing, and focused on nothing but that, I’d have been arguably less stressed, better rested and produced work of a higher quality. And that’s not to say I didn’t do well, because I did, but I know with absolute certainty that I am guilty of not having performed up to my potential on more than one occasion.

Here’s where I went wrong. I saw any open slot of time in my day as time meant to be filled. In my mind, opens slots = productivity lost. I kept an appointment book and literally had something scheduled in every half-hour slot from when class began at 8:00 a.m. until I returned to my dorm at night around 10:30 p.m. I even had “SLEEP” scheduled from midnight-5:00 a.m, just to avoid blank slots. Who schedules sleep and what was I thinking?! [Clearly, I wasn’t.]

This practice spilled over into the first six or so months of my life post-grad, until I began to practice TIME BLOCKING. I sat down and gave some thought as to what my ideal day would look like. A few of the things I considered: ‘When does is start/end? When do you have the most/least energy? When are you most/least productive? What are your priorities? How much time does each priority demand?’ For me, I live for mornings. I have pep in my step first thing (after my coffee, obviously 🙂 ), but as the day wears on my energy stores are drained and my productivity slows. I usually get a second wind late afternoon, but even then my energy is nowhere near where it is upon waking. As for my priorities? Clients, the future (i.e. grad school, career, blog etc.) and me (workouts, relationships, clean eats, reading, relaxing etc). Those priorities are broad, I realize, but by awarding a time “block” to each priority ensures that shit gets done.

So then you have this ‘ideal’ day, for whatever it’s worth, but now what? You know what you want and when you want it, which means one thing: time to put a plan into ACTION. So instead of allowing my clients to “pick a time, anytime,” I began to tell them I trained between such-and-such hours, and gave them the available slots they had to choose from. Terrifying, yes, but for the most part they made my schedule work with theirs. And of those that were originally turned off, most came back. Take risks. Trust the process. If you don’t, you’ll never know what could be. NOTE: when given the choice, clients (training or anything else) will pick the most inconvenient time, guaranteed. And then, YOU are left running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off. Not cool, extremely draining and painfully obvious to those around you. But, it’s something within YOUR control entirely.

Now I’m not trying to pretend that my schedule’s perfect. In fact, it’s far from it. But by scheduling clients back-to-back in the mornings (for the most part- there are exceptions), I minimize the distraction that would stem from training clients way early ’til way late and can move onto my next priority fully-focused.

HOW do you block your time? An appointment book/planner works best for me, but what works for me might not work for you. I like to have something to carry around with me, at all times, that I can write in (in pencil), color code, etc. I like to be able to see what my day looks like, where I have to be and when. And I’m kind of an organization freak so each block of time has a color associated with it. I also like routine so you can pretty much find me at the same place at the same time on any given day Monday-Friday. Others most are more tech savvy than I (Danny Coleman might agree lol) and would rather go electronic… or are just really good at keeping things straight in their head. Experiment and find what works for YOU!

The process of transitioning to a blocked schedule has been a gradual one, and is one that is still “in progress,” at that. I am working less, but more efficiently and still have some time at the end of the day to myself 🙂 #winning.

How do you manage your schedule? Do you block your time? Let me know what you think!

7 Ways to End an Unhealthy Relationship with the Scale

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You hear it everywhere, or at least I do:

“I wish I could just break up with the scale.”

“If only I could lose those last X [fill in the blank] pounds.”

“I wish that number didn’t define my day.”

“I wish I could be content with where I’m at.”

“I wish I didn’t have to count every last calorie, measure then scrutinize every last morsel of food I put into my mouth.”

Do any of the above statements resonate with you? If so, rest assured you’re not alone. These thoughts are running through minds of people everywhere. How do I know? For one, I’ve been on the receiving end of these comments first-hand: at the gym, the grocery store, the mall, out with friends. For two, I used to be one of them.

For years, I lived my life according to that number on the scale and *allowed* that number to define my day. That said, when I started lifting weights I knew the likelihood of me putting on some weight was, well, likely. To say that I was okay with the idea then of a few more LBS would be a flat out lie, but I knew that muscle had to weigh something and I wasn’t afraid of muscle. [And you shouldn’t be either! It’s a good look, IMO]. So, on July 5, 2024 a.k.a. training day #1, I made the *choice* to end my toxic relationship with the scale.

I didn’t weigh myself at all for the first six months after I started lifting as I knew myself well enough to know that any gain would send me over the edge (and also result in me quitting weights cold turkey—almost happened FYI) regardless of how good I may have looked or felt. Only once I was confident I had made amends with my body and moved beyond my disordered eating issues did I reintroduce the scale for the occasional check-in, which takes place now only once or twice a month.

That number used to stress me out in the worst way possible. And the pre-weigh anxiety? Forget it. I got myself so worked up over nothingness every time. Energy drain. Today, I’d take a few extra pounds any day if it meant a stronger, leaner physique. This was not the case a year ago. But today, that number’s just a number. I’ve accepted that weight will fluctuate some over the course of a day, and that your abs will never look as good at the end of the day as they do in the morning *sigh*… but that’s normal!! Ironically, in this last year when I’ve stressed least about my weight, I’ve actually leaned out (burned fat) and lost multiple clothing sizes without even trying. Say wha?! I was just as surprised myself when I went to change out my closet in between seasons. Sustainable nutrition and efficient exercise IS where it’s at 🙂

Below are some of the tools I used to help mend my unhealthy relationship with the scale. Feel free to share anything I didn’t mention that may have worked for you!

1. Practice NOT getting on the scale. It may sound trivial, but a habit is a habit for better or for worse. And just as my twice daily weigh-ins had become habit, so, too, would become abstaining from it.

2. Ask yourself, why. WHY does that number matter? HOW will you be any different X pounds (or sizes) from now? You lose the ten pounds, then what? Remember, that number only has as much significance as you *give* it.

3. Put it away, then bring it back. Physically remove the scale from view, at least initially. You know how you tell yourself NOT to do something, and then all you want to do is whatever that something is? Ha. That was me. My failed attempts at breaking up with the scale always began with me telling myself absolutely positively no weigh-ins, which, of course, resulted in me weighing myself more than ever. For me, out of sight meant [more] out of mind. After some time though, try returning it to its place and practice resisting the urge to weigh even when it’s there.

4. Take the emphasis off of the number. Taking measurements every few weeks is very different than stepping on the scale all day everyday, and is something I still do. I’m a fan of the whole MODERATION thing, can you tell? 😉 Instead, ask yourself questions like: ‘How do my clothes fit? How do I feel? How are my workouts?’ Or like they say at ME, “What are your biofeedback signals (hunger, energy and cravings) telling you?” [HECs will tell you a lot, in case you were wondering] The answers to these questions are much more useful tools than any number will ever be. They give you something tangible to work with.

An example, from my own struggle.

You step on the scale and one of three things happens (today’s thought process in italics):

a) NOTHING. Feel shitty. The number is the same. Could be worse, but could also be better [read: lower]. A huge relief when I thought I’d gained. I’ve succeeded in learning how to maintain my weight through nutrition, not exercise.

b) HIGHER. Feel shitty. Restrict/overexercise. Do I feel good? Do I look good? How do my clothes fit? If good, likely muscle weight. If not, I know exactly what I need to do in the way of my nutrition and exercise to get back on track. And, a pound is NOT the end of the world.

c) LOWER. Feel shitty. Could be lower. Am I losing muscle? If so, and my nutrition is on par, I look to things like sleep and stress. In the way of exercise, could be time to up the heavy weights and restorative activity while decreasing the long-duration steady-state cardio. Or, likely a combination of all of the above.

Notice the underlying feeling of shittiness common to all of the scenarios above? Nothing was ever “good enough.” If you’re going to feel like crap no matter what, why weigh in the first place? Unless, of course, you’ve mastered the art of moderation (<- this takes YEARS of practice).

5. Start a gratitude journal. This may sound silly, but write down at least one thing everyday that you are grateful for. Or, something that you like about yourself. Or both. Journaling, in general, can be a therapeutic exercise to engage in. We are our own worst critics, but actively search to find the good in yourself that so many other people see in you! Remember, POSITIVITY trumps negativity. Always.

6. Look in the mirror. If you’re happy with what you see, the number shouldn’t matter. For the longest time, I denied seeing any [positive] physique change from my new routine even though I knew I was both building muscle and burning fat. Why? Because I was stubborn and didn’t want to admit that I knew the weight training (and more balanced nutrition) was a good thing. Now I’m not going to pretend that I don’t still have fat days, blah days or days where I feel absolutely huge… because, I do. And though these moments are relatively infrequent, a shift in MINDSET has enabled me to better cope with them when they do occur.

7. Focus on fueling your body to fuel your workouts. My workouts are important to me. Important as in a priority and I don’t like sucky workouts. And if you’re not eating well, you’re more likely to have sucky workouts. Sure, today’s best may be different than tomorrow’s best but without sufficient fuel, you’re compromising those limited energy stores and thus, the quality of your workouts.

If you are struggling with an unhealthy relationship with the scale, I get it. I’ve been there 100%. But I’ve also made it through the worst and can tell you that life on the other side is so liberating! I want this for you so badly, but only YOU can do you 🙂 Good luck, and let me know how it goes!

The difference a year makes

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I had intended to post this on the one-year anniversary of my starting to lift weights, but… life happens #noexcuses. A year ago today may sound a lot better, but regardless, thirteen months ago my life was about to change in big ways. All good things, but huge changes. And it all started with a mindset shift. For better or for worse, the mind is a powerful thing so this was key.

I changed some pretty big things all at once, which worked well for me. That said, for 99.9% of the population I realize that this is not the case. If you fall into the majority and are trying to make lifestyle changes, focus on one thing. Practice makes better, and lifestyle change is no different. Only once you feel that you’ve sufficiently mastered that one thing do you move onto whatever’s next. Remember, it’s a process. Baby steps are still steps, and though the process may be a slower one, it’s more sustainable over the long-term.

Let me give you an example. Has anyone tried a crash diet? You know the drill. Up the cardio, restrict your intake… I’m sure you dropped some lbs. How long did it stay off for?? Or, let me rephrase my question… how much additional weight did you gain back? Yeah.

Anyways, here are some of the actions I’ve taken and realizations I’ve made in the last thirteen months, if you’re curious. If not, no hard feelings. Feel free to stop here 🙂

  1. I broke up with long-duration cardio. I still love cardio and will never turn down an invitation to just ‘go run’, but my preferred cardio of choice these days is short in duration, high in intensity (think track sprints, stadium workouts and treadmill intervals). Honestly, since getting into Metabolic Effect (ME), my brain functions optimally in 30-minute bouts. With exercise, and everything else. And yes, contrary to popular belief, you can break a sweat in 30-minutes. Even in like 5-minutes, actually. ME = efficient exercise. More is not always better.
  2. I started lifting weights. Cardio is great to maintain, but does nothing in the way of physique change.
  3. I started eating meat again. And now can’t imagine my life without it.
  4. I broke up with the scale. Yes, it’s possible- I was obsessed. How I feel and how my clothes fit are a much better gauge than any number will ever be. It’s liberating, and…what were you going to do with that number anyway?
  5. I realized my passions, of which traditional medicine is not. I love all this fitness-nutrition-introspective mindset stuff AND I can make a career of it!
  6. I learned to say ‘NO’…and mean it. You have to set boundaries. And if others don’t respect them, and take advantage of your time, for example, it’s on you- no one’s fault but your own. Do for others, yes, but don’t neglect you.
  7. There’s no such thing as too much coffee.
  8. Time > money.
  9. Life begins outside of the comfort zone. Things are usually a lot more stressful in your head than they are in reality. Think, but don’t overthink.
  10. An ME favorite: “Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good.” At some point, let good be good enough. Your best today can be different than tomorrow’s best.
  11. Success follows happiness.
  12. I get to create the exact life I want (and you can, too!).
  13. You have control over your attitude and effort, always.
  14. Bacon is good. Really good.
  15. Be present. You can’t change the past, and you can’t predict the future. Focus on doing you, and doing you now.
  16. Trust yourself. But really. Stop worrying because in the end, everything will be okay.
  17. Choose optimism. All this positive psychology stuff is cool sh*t. Positive thoughts -> positive feelings -> positive actions. Unfortunately, this works in reverse. You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind.
  18. You can’t be it all, to everyone, all the time. Instead, find your niche and focus on giving them your all, whoever the ‘them’ is.
  19. Laugh… a lot. It [laughter], along with diet and exercise, is the best medicine. Oh, and laugh at yourself every once in a while.
  20. I want my life to be about my work. Priorities differ, and that’s ok. For me, I’ve realized that while yes I will get married, no I don’t think I really want kids. I don’t want the fairytale wedding so many girls dream of. A celebratory dinner with the fam followed by a relaxing trip somewhere is def more my style (there ya go, Steph…your wedding budget just doubled!).
  21. Exercise is a form of stress. I used to say I wasn’t stressed, then go work out upwards of two hours a day. Rest is important. Sleep is underrated.
  22. It’s okay to ask for help.
  23. You can learn something from everyone.
  24. A support network is a support network, however small. But so important nonetheless. You are a product of those your surround yourself with. Be selective 😉
  25. Ready, fire, aim, aim, aim. Some of the best advice I’ve received this year! Action > inaction, always.
  26. Be authentically you (because no one else can). Real is relatable, and chances are you’re not the only one.

The comfort zone

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Part I: life in the comfort zone

Let me tell you a little something about the comfort zone. It’s safe, familiar, heck, it’s comfortable. But, it gets you nowhere. How do I know? I hung out there for way too long.

Six months post-graduation, I was still working as a part-time Wellness Coach. I was bored, unhappy and lacking in the continuous stream of mental stimulation I’d become so accustomed to as a full-time student up to that point. Still, the fear of the unknown paralyzed me (I let it) and I found myself *waiting* for the right opportunity to make the leap. Here’s the thing: if you’re waiting for the opportunity to come to you, or for the timing to be just right, you’re going to be waiting a long time. There’s never going to be a right time. The time is NOW. Circumstance could always be better, but at some point, we must declare it “good enough.”

Some will get to that point on their own. If you fall into that category, all the more power to you. For me, it took someone else believing in me, giving me the confidence I didn’t have in myself to just do it. Lack of confidence in these times of transition is normal; trust me, I get it. But, that transition period need not be made any longer by failure to TAKE ACTION. Just do. Do something.

I’m a big proponent of the mantra “fake it ‘til you make it” (aka how to believe in yourself when you don’t feel worthy). If you’re not happy, or lean, for example, practice doing things that happy people, lean people do. Like with anything, self-confidence and self-trust come with practice. As silly as it sounds, practicing confidence was key for me in overcoming my gym anxiety. If you’ve read my story, you know that I was anything but confident a year ago. But, I told myself I was. Over and over and over again. And then one day, it was like a switch had flipped. All of a sudden, I was doing what I’d always done, but without the anxiety.

So one of my friends had been pushing me (okay, maybe more like repeated friendly nudge ;)) to get my personal training cert. Recall that at this point in the life plan, we were supposed to have been four months into the first year of medical school. Fail. Ha. Anyways, I’d purchased the textbooks and had been studying… for months lol… so clearly it was something that’d been on my mind a while. But there was something about registering for the exam that made it so real. So I put it off. Then put it off some more, registered and postponed. I told myself I could only postpone once, so I kept the test date (and kept it strictly confidential, I might add) and passed. In retrospect, it’s easy to recognize that I wasn’t afraid of the test itself. In fact, if I had confidence in one thing, it was my study skills. Rather, I was scared of what would come next. I’d worried myself sick over Step 10 before even having attempted Step 1. My dad, though we butt heads more often than I’d like, has always said: “don’t worry about something until you have something to worry about.” So true.

Earning my ACSM cert was the catalyst for change for me. I was deathly afraid to use it and actually start training (and didn’t for a few months), but that’s another story. It was in this moment that I realized I had the potential to do something more.

Hate to leave you hanging, but this is getting lengthier than I’d like so I’m going to stop here. Back tomorrow with PART II…

Stay tuned…

Part II: life beyond the comfort zone

Alright, so picking up where we left off. I liken my journey over this last year to a turtle coming out of it’s shell. A year ago, I felt lost, scared and alone. My self-confidence was at an all-time low, self-trust basically didn’t exist and I was without the direction I so desperately sought… in “the shell,” if you will. I wanted to ‘do better’ but fear of failure is ultimately what kept me in the comfort zone for so long.

Not long after I started lifting weights, I read Being Happy by Tal Ben-Shahar. A Harvard lecturer in psychology, he coins optimalism as an healthier alternative to perfectionism and suggests adopting an optimalist mindset to overcome the fear of failure- one of the key attributes of a perfectionist. I felt like the book was written for me!! He suggests that by fearing failure, we fall short of our potential: “we either learn to fail or fail to learn.” While the Perfectionist rejects failure, the Optimalist accepts it. Not only accepts it, but realizes that it [failing] is how they learn to succeed.

As someone with Type-A tendencies, I like predictable outcomes. Which is why a year ago, risk-taking didn’t happen… in any domain of my life. In this last year not only have I learned to take risks, but to accept that things may not always be perfect, and that’s ok. Other than unattainable, what is perfect anyway? Plus, predictable is boring. Yes, a direct path into business, law or medicine has its appeal, but I find myself excited now more than ever at the possibility that lies in the unknown: I get to create my own path.

At first, my risks were super teeny tiny ones, and probably ones that others would not classify as risk at all. But with each subsequent step that didn’t end catastrophically (extremist much? ha), I gained the confidence to take a slightly bigger step the next time. I’ll be the first to admit that the scare factor does still exist in trying new things, but a) this is very normal and b) I’ve practiced telling myself to just “get over it,” and then really, actually getting over it lol. Things tend not to be nearly as stressful as you might have thought them to be in your head, but you can make yourself sick when you start to mull over the hypotheticals. Worry about the ‘what-ifs’ only if and when they happen.

Starting with my own journey that commenced when I abandoned my life plan to pursue medical school, I began what would be a slow, but steady approach toward the outer limits of my comfort zone. I started lifting weights and quickly became hooked on something to which I was once so strongly opposed. And then guess what?! Group exercise happened. Not kidding. But, I only take ME… I have the attention span of a five-year old and anything beyond 30-minutes is, too much. Sorry BodyPumpers #sorrynotsorry.

A short five months later, the scheduling, taking and passing of my ACSM exam opened up more doors. After I actually started training, it allowed me to phase out my wellness coach responsibilities and shortly thereafter, leave wellness altogether. So here I was, cPT, telling other people to lift weights, but terrified to lift weights in the gym by myself, outside of group ex and without a trainer. Not a good look. This was one of those “get over it, Emily” moments. I wrote about gym anxiety here, but basically I started small: lifting weights by myself in Women’s Wellness.

Okay, so now that I’m totally hooked on this idea of a career in the fitness industry, I sign myself up for not one, but three additional certs whose practical portions involve filming a mock training session. F*ck. Me, on camera? x3 ? Thank you, no. But, I did it. Then, to start teaching the ME class I was, less than a year ago, afraid to set foot in? [Funny are the ‘what-the-heck-are-you-doing-up-here’ moments midway through teaching a class. It’s like my old self yelling at my new self, “What are you doing?! This is out of your comfort zone!” Then my new self saying, “screw it,” and turning the other way].

And this little blog? Yeah, I’m seriously the most guarded person ever and being vulnerable, well, takes practice. Last weekend was arguably one of the biggest steps I’ve taken out of my comfort zone, yet. I attended the inaugural Radiance Retreat in Asheville, NC, where I knew no one. I feared being the youngest, weakest, smallest and least successful amongst the crowd, but I left feeling more empowered than ever. Recap to come.

NOTE: The latter was not intended as a rant, but rather to illustrate how far I’ve come in the last twelve months. It’s kind of crazy, actually. Milton Berle said, “if opportunity doesn’t knock build a door.” The bottom line is that had I not taken Step 1, I never would’ve gotten to Steps 2, 3 and 4. You’ve got to start sometime so why not now?

I’ll leave you with this. A friend shared it with me back when I was just getting started on this journey and it’s been set as the wallpaper on my phone since. It serves as my daily reminder that I can do anything I want and I get to create the exact life I want.

From Stutz & Michels The Tools (also highly recommend).

How I learned to relax, and simplified my life in the process

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Most of my college years were spent running from one thing to the next. My days were scheduled to a T and I allowed my planner to dictate my daily existence. But for me, it worked. I put myself second to everyone and everything else, always. Huge mistake. How can you take care of others if you don’t first take care of yourself? Anyways, it wasn’t until after graduation that I began to comprehend just how serious a health threat chronic stress really is. After four years of life on-the-go with minimal rest, my finite energy stores were drained. Any and all motivation that was once there was lost, and I was burnt out.

Fast-forward to post-grad life that is the real world and suddenly I found myself with this huge void to fill. I was working, yes, but only in a part-time position and nannying on the side. For about 6 months, my days looked like this:

3:30 a.m. Alarm goes off. Snooze.

4:00 a.m. Alarm goes off, again. Snooze, again.

4:30 a.m. Alarm goes off one last time. Roll out of bed. To the coffee pot we go. Yes, I’ve just interrupted what could’ve been an additional hour of sleep.

5:20 a.m. Workout aka lift heavy shit with Danny.

6:00 a.m. Home, 5-minute shower, inhale breakfast, pick up Venti coffee en route to the Y to get me through the next 5 hours. Sad, but true. No one should depend on coffee in this way. A precious commodity that’s meant to be enjoyed, IMO.

8:00 a.m. – 1:00 p.m. Work #9-5 #deskjob #worstfear #energydrain

1:15 p.m. until ??? Babysitting. And by “???” I really mean it. I never knew. It was never before the dinner hour, but I figured that because I’d committed to them for X hours and they were paying me for X hours, that they were entitled to me and the childcare I provided them for X + Y hours. Entitled to nothing!! YOUR TIME IS WORTH SOMETHING! I definitely allowed myself and my time to be taken advantage of. Stand up for yourself!

Post-babysitting Walk. Theoretically, leisure walk. In actuality, more like race walk. It took me a while to master the art of the leisure walk.

~8:00 p.m. Out of gym clothes and into sweats for dinner.

8:30 p.m. Shower. Yes, I shower 2x a day. Kind of obsessed with being clean.

Time variable. Bed (whacked sleep schedule).

All day, everyday. Even reading this makes me tired. All snacks and meals, barring dinner, were on-the-go; usually, in the car. Sunday was my designated chill day and my only time to do nothing. I needed those Sundays to recover from the whirlwind of the previous six days. And I dreaded knowing I had to recharge enough then to make it through until the following Sunday, when I’d have the opportunity to rest again. Guys, this is ridiculous!! If you take nothing else from this blog, let it be this: periods of work should be offset by periods (yes, plural) of rest EVERYDAY!

Having spent the last eighteen years of my life in school, I struggled with wrapping my head around the reality that I had nothing to be studying for. It was unsettling and I thought that in order to be productive, I needed to fill every waking hour of every day. Well, I thought wrong. I learned this the hard way, but learned nonetheless.

First, define productive. Tough, right? At times, it’s easily measurable; at others, not so much. Have you ever put hours of work into something, made significant progress, but still had no physical “product” to show for it? It’s frustrating and can be tough to justify to others the time spent on whatever the “it” is. Here’s the thing: you shouldn’t (and don’t!) have to justify anything. If you’re doing what you love, and can support yourself doing it, it doesn’t matter what other people think. Easier said than done, I know, but true nonetheless.

An example from my own life comes to mind.

I chose to take time off after school not because I was lazy and didn’t want to better myself, but because I honestly had no clue what I wanted to do (and am still in the process of figuring that out). I didn’t want to prematurely rush into more school just because it meant a plan for the next 2-4 years. I could have, but was so unsure of myself. I needed time to both realize my passions and find purpose. Here I was, a fresh out of college twenty-something with a degree from a private liberal arts school, often deemed an Ivy of the South, employed at the YMCA. I found myself answering to members who inquired daily as to what I could possibly do with a degree in Health and Exercise Science. Or why I didn’t study business when I attended a school with one of the top programs in the country. Was I overqualified for the Wellness Coach position? Definitely. But what I can also tell you is that I absolutely needed that time. In fact, it was a tremendous period of growth for me. They just weren’t able to see it like those close to me did.

And just now, sitting in Starbucks writing this, someone came up to me and asked what I did (I’m in here a lot and people…complete strangers…ALWAYS talk to me. Even when I have headphones in. WTF?!? I really do like people. Promise. I just have no clue what it is about me that attracts the weirdest most random ones). When I told him I trained, he gave me a once over and asked if I had a college degree. I told him I was a Wake grad, and then he suggested I get a “real” job. He proceeded to inform me of places in town where I might look, and suggested that I could be doing something so much more worth my while. Was I offended? Honestly, not really. Personally, I cannot fathom ever saying anything remotely of that nature to anyone, but you know something? I’m actually really happy. I have my days, sometimes weeks where I’m in a funk over having chosen to take a nontraditional path, but I am confident enough in what I do to not let comments like that bother me…most of the time (we’re all human, right ;)). I know I put my all into training sessions with clients, and make an effort to get to know the person behind the face. Training is, so often, much more than just the workout. Everyone has a story and you can learn a lot from people if only you give them a chance. I realize the value of face-to-face interpersonal relationships and work hard to develop client trust. Will I train forever? Probably not. That said, for right now I am a trainer and I’m proud of that. It feels so good to be able to help others feel good about themselves and is kind of cool, I think, to be in a position to *change lives.*

Sorry for that lengthy detour. Relax, simplify…I think that’s where we were at? Feel free to reel me back in at any time.

Here are 10 ways I’ve learned to relax, simplify my life and increase productivity in the past year:

  1. Offload your plate. For me, quitting wellness was a huge step. I’m not typically one to take risks and the idea of giving up guaranteed hours for personal training clients that may or may not come terrified me. That relationship building I just talked about? Definitely paid off. I started training, my client load increased dramatically and I was making more in half the time. I also knew it was time to set some boundaries with the families I was sitting for. I told them that I needed a minimum of a four hour commitment from them to make it worth my while. I was so over these “can you swing by while I run to the grocery store” gigs in the middle of the day that broke up my afternoon and prevented me from doing other, more productive things. I also told them no Saturday nights. If they needed a weekend sitter and wanted it to be me, it was going to be Friday, and that was that. You know what? They listened.
  1. Learn to prioritize. You can do everything, but not all at once. Pick ONE thing, do it, practice it and only then move onto the next. I used to pride myself in thinking I was the queen of multi-tasking. I reveled in [miraculously] being able to pull off a million things at once. Sometimes, at the cost of my sanity. Not good. Had I instead taken the time to focus on one thing at a time, the end result would have been so much better, and likely attained much sooner with much less stress, every time. Guaranteed.
  1. Prioritize YOU time. You are a priority. I use a planner to keep track of clients, meetings and social engagements, but make sure to reserve blocks of time each day for me: work-related stuff, grad school apps, social engagements (however few and far between) and of course, some R&R. Block time = my time. My planner is color-coded and blue = my time. If you provide a good service to people and they want to work with you, be it training or anything else, they will make your schedule work with theirs. Be possessive of your you time and don’t let others take that away from you. What you do in that time is up to you, but time for yourself to get stuff done is so important.
  1. Yoga. I can be an intense person (or maybe just high-strung lol) and I like intense exercise that makes you sweat. All reasons why I thought I hated yoga. That, and I don’t like to do things I’m not good at. I was required to take a yoga course in high school and dreaded it in the worst way. Lying on the mat, stretching, and being told to relax and let the tension flow from your body stressed me out in the worst way. Fast forward to this new life of mine and I thought it was time to give it another go. It’s something my body (and mind) needed so bad. So, a few months back, I started going to a local studio, by myself (NOTE: way out of my comfort zone—both yoga and not knowing anyone), on Sundays and…I’m hooked. It’s definitely not something I could do every day, or in place of the intense exercise, but like they say, variety is the spice of life.
  1. Leisure walks. As someone with all-or-nothing tendencies, it took me a while to adjust to a pace that fell somewhere in between rest and an all out sprint. My now 30-60 minute leisure walks used to be complete in 20 minutes (same loop) – I walked so fast! I’ve gotten pretty good at it and genuinely look forward to my walks everyday. Hints: (1) treadmill walking is boring, but can be made more tolerable with a big tumbler of coffee (AM only!) and a good podcast or something to listen to. Arguably the safer option if you’re alone and it’s after dark. Still, nature > inside, I think. (2) Walking with a friend who understands what leisurely means, with coffee or in flip-flops helps to slow you down. The first makes for good company, if you walk too fast with coffee you end up wearing it and if you walk too fast in flip-flops, you get blisters. *Speaks from experience.*
  1. Pedicures. I’ve abused my feet so much in the past, and ironically, didn’t get pedicures much back in the days of crazy cardio. I literally couldn’t rest long enough to let them dry sufficiently. Now, pedicures are one of my favorite rest day activities and happen…often. Or after a tough track workout. I’ll even bring a book with me to read in the chair. I do love people, but also need “me” time and sometimes just don’t want to be bothered. If pedicures aren’t your thing, or you’re a guy and are thinking “guys don’t get pedicures and I wouldn’t be caught dead in that chair” (false- I forced my Dad to get one with me…without polish, of course, and he loved it!), try a facial, massage, etc.
  1. Energy management. Energy is a finite resource and because we all have things in our daily lives that drain these stores (i.e. school, work, relationships, kids… parents, for that matter), it needs to be renewed. Restorative activities (i.e. leisure walking, yoga, family/friend time*) can help us to do so. Highly recommend The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz if you’re looking for more on this. *Be careful. This can also be an energy drain.
  1. It’s okay to have moments of doing nothing, so long as they’re offset by bouts of doing something.
  1. Tea & journaling. As I mentioned earlier, my sleep schedule through and immediately out of college was…not regular. I couldn’t fall asleep, stay asleep and had the worst nighttime anxiety. Yogi Bedtime Tea came recommended to me and I gave it a try, but quickly eliminated it from my nightly routine because it made me…relax ha. As weird as it sounds, I hated the calming effect that some external factor was having on me. The taste was a bit sweet for me, but that’s beside the point. Once I got over myself, I reintroduced a lavender and chamomile tea that has a similar effect and enjoy a big mug every night after dinner, in bed, with a book or my journal. Which brings me to journaling. I’ve said this before, but a year ago I would’ve told you this was dumb. But as you all know at this point, I have a lot of thoughts and my mind races. A lot. Writing things down has helped to alleviate this some. Sometimes I write with no intention of rereading it, more like a stream of consciousness. But it can be cool to look back and reflect on how things have changed. I started this when I first got into weights a year ago to help keep me accountable and have recently looked back at those entries. Got a good laugh, for sure. It’s crazy the difference a year makes! The cool thing with this is that there are no rules. You can write whatever you want.
  1. Power down and read. Last, but definitely not least. I LOVE reading, but in school didn’t have time to read much else than textbooks and for class. A school nerd, I love to learn so not having anything to study for in this last year left me, at times, bored and craving mental stimulation. Reading has, in many ways, satisfied that craving and given me perspective on an array of topics. Getting lost in a good book in bed at night also helps to calm my racing mind. I try to power down from all technology an hour before bed and don’t watch TV (other than sports…sometimes, the news but it’s usually more depressing than not). This also means that text alerts go off. If it’s that important, whoever it is will call and if not, the text will still be there in the morning.

Effortless eating

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I like to eat and I eat, a lot. People don’t believe me, but it’s true. I tend to eat the same things day-to-day, week-to-week and the same rotation of foods makes it into my cart on my weekly Trader Joe’s-with-a-stop-at-Whole Foods haul (more like major haul with a million trips in between for all the little things I forgot). But for me, it works. At this point, I’ve figured out what I like, what I don’t, what my body needs and doesn’t.

I eat in moderation, but genuinely do love eating clean. It makes me feel good, sustains me through tough workouts and is kind of fun, I think. And when I eat crap, well, I feel like crap. Like you know that feeling after you’ve had a huge cup of sugar-free froyo with rainbow sprinkles and Reese’s mixed in? Or a huge plate of the saltiest nachos you can find? I do. [Fun fact: loaded nachos, hold the sour cream and olives, are my favorite! Fortunately for my stomach, I enjoy a modified but equally delicious chip-less and dairy-free version on the reg. So maybe they’re not really nachos, but they make me happy so just go with it.] And when I do drive halfway across town to my favorite yogurt shop, or enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, I do so without guilt. *Life’s too short.*

Contrary to popular belief, eating clean does not have to be boring and can be done on a budget- I did it all through college. It allows me to use my creativity to throw together fat-loss friendly eats that are quick and easy, but still palatable. I love to cook, but have a really really short attention span. And hate prep and clean-up. Doesn’t make sense, I know. I really just hate the mess it makes, which is why I typically grocery shop on Saturdays and prep everything on Sundays: wash, chop and cook once then into the Tupperware it goes for the week. Here’s a typical Sunday fridge shot, in case you are curious (top shelf and almond milk are mine):

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Plus, who has the desire to attempt a Martha Stuart dinner upon walking in from a long day? Kudos to those of you that do, but not me. Eating, or rather preparing to eat, need not be twenty steps long, IMO. Instead, I open the fridge to see what looks good, pull out a Tupperware each of protein and veggies, dump ‘em in a pan, add some spices, heat and serve. Ten minutes tops, and even less if you just microwave it in the container it’s already in. Not my best habit, but sometimes convenience trumps all: food on the table sooner and fewer dishes. A win-win, no? Either that or a serving of protein atop a huge salad. Huge as in I eat my salads out of mixing bowls 🙂 Nutrient-dense and a ton of volume for not so many calories. And, it takes me like an hour to eat. No joke.

Now that I’ve just talked about how great prepping food is, some weeks I have zero desire to do it. And so, I don’t. Those weeks, I definitely eat out more and have no real meal “plan.” Perhaps this is why I’m on a first name basis with more grocery store employees than I’d like to count? Sometimes I make multiple stops at the market in a single day. Chipotle, Trader Joe’s prepared foods, Whole Foods salad bar and a handful of local establishments frequent my list. My favorite grab ‘n go’s from home include huge shakes in my Tervis tumblers, bars, pre-portioned servings of almonds and apples, for example. Wherever you go, be prepared. I have both a bar and almonds in each my purse, gym bag and car, at all times. Be it out or at home, my eating remains pretty much the same. If you live a life on the go, or just hate the kitchen, learning how to navigate the menu out is key. You can get vegetables and protein most anywhere, and most places will accommodate special requests– you just have to ask! I am the queen bee of modifications, and not ashamed. Even if for a small up charge, your health is worth it. I may be a health nut, and kind of neurotic about where my food comes from, but you have ONE body and if you don’t take care of it, well… you’re out of luck. I always say I’d rather spend money on good food than on medical bills.

After having stressed over macros and calories for years, and consuming all sorts of fat-free, sugar-free junk (also “free” of much in the way of any nutritional value), I’ve reached a point now where my eating is pretty much effortless. Gone are the days of measuring, post-long run pretzel binges and reaching for handfuls of this and that because I was neither satisfied nor satiated in the first place. I’ve stressed less over food in the last year than I have my whole life, save for my early childhood years, but I’ve maintained my weight (leaned out, actually) with relative ease. Honestly, it consumes so little of my daily thought and I have the time, now, to focus on other more important things. Irony? I think not. While some stress can be a good thing, it can so often act as a barrier that stands between where we are and where we want to be. Bottom line: stress less.

Learning to deal

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Be it nagging parents, bratty siblings, too-good-to-be-true roommates whose petty behaviors make us tick, or coworkers who drive us crazy, we all have people in our lives that annoy us. But, such is life. They’re not going away. Thing is, you get *to choose* both how you respond to these people, and who makes the cut when it comes to your inner circle.

I used to complain a lot. In fact, more than I like to admit. That said, I’m actually pretty selective as to whom and about what I complain [NOTE: I’m not talking venting stress to friends, or leaning on someone for support in a tough time…that’s normal, and healthy]. When I’m annoyed with someone, my mom and my sister are my go-to’s. My mom listens I think, in part, because she is 800 miles away and gets to “hear my voice” lol. I ramble on…and on and on, and after asking if I’m “done” she always asks me the same thing: “Well that’s great, Em, but what do you want me to do about it?” More often than not, I have no response. It’s not that she doesn’t care, but rather that I, not she, am the one in a position to take action. You are not powerless: if you don’t like something, change it.

Then, there’s my sis, Steph. She’s everything I’m not, but I think that’s what makes our relationship work so well, now. FYI it didn’t used to be that way so for those of you that have siblings and fight, there is hope lol. Be patient. You may have a best friend in your sibling that you didn’t even know about. Anyways, I love her to death but she puts me in my place and tells it to me like it is, EVERY time. And she makes me laugh. All good things. You know how they say different people serve different roles in your life? She’s my pipeline for tough love. And it’s prolly best that she awards me nowhere near the air time that my mom does. Our conversations go a little something like this:

[ME, in high-pitch anxiety-ridden voice-my family makes fun of me for this

#blacksheep]: “OMG. You will never believe what happened?!

[SIS]: What’s the problem?

[ME]: Explains and is cut off.

[SIS]: Em, you need to chill out. Take a deep breath and call me back, k? Thx. Byeee.

Still, I know she’s got my back. And when I really need her, she’s there to listen (above excerpt does not constitute “real need”). In our last call over nothingness, she said something that really resonated with me: “something’s only a ‘situation’ if you make it one.” In other words, YOU are the one who *allows* things to become situations. Make sense?

I am guilty on several accounts of having made a big deal out of something that would, to the Average Joe, seem so small. Fortunately more so then than now, I will sometimes (mis)interpret others’ words/actions as trying to compete with me; basically, trying to make something that’s not a competition just that. Here’s what happens next: guard goes up, stress hormones are activated and soon trigger a fight-or-flight response [NOTE: We’re not talking physical fights…that would be scary. Basically, enter Em into beast mode. Thought on the brain? “Competition is on. Don’t lose.” Either that, or I shut down.] Now I’m definitely a competitive person in some areas of my life, but mostly with myself. That said, if the circumstance is right, sometimes the switch will inadvertently flip. Hey, at least I catch myself, right?

On a side and sort of related, but mostly not, note, I am definitely one to compete with the person next to me on the treadmill…they just don’t know it (does anyone else think like this?!) :p Or like the time a passerby commented on my small frame, after having seen me running sprints: “You shouldn’t be able to run that fast- your legs are so short!” Instead of reacting to his comment, I channeled that energy instead toward a killer treadmill workout the next time. Actions speak louder than words. So, start doing 🙂

Here are my top six reasons/tips for why you should stop complaining and learn to deal:

  1. It’s a waste of both time AND energy. You could be doing something 10x more productive. Or relaxing (post coming soon!). Do the choices you make tend toward energy renewal? Or energy drain?
  1. Under react not overreact. If someone is doing something to elicit a desired response and they’re not getting that response, they’ll stop. It’s not rocket science.
  1. “Pick your battles.” This was a common one in my house growing up and could’ve been my dad’s tagline #DadAdvice. My sister and I fought over anything and everything. Ask yourself this: at the end of the day, does it really matter? Some things are worthy of your time and energy (see #1). Others, not so much.
  1. Other people get tired of listening to you complain. ‘Nuf said. Energy drain at it’s finest. How many of you have been there?
  1. Write it down. A year ago, I would’ve looked at you and said, “Who does that?!” But seriously, it doesn’t have to be a blog. Could be, but whether it’s a journal that only you read, or random pieces of paper strewn about your room…whether you re-read them or not, there’s something very therapeutic about recording your thoughts. I’m not telling you not to feel these things, but to avoid the problem that is #4, this might be a good alternative outlet. Write all you want. It makes you feel heard.
  1. You can only control you. So don’t focus on anything but THAT.

Gym anxiety: do you have it?

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So despite my love for exercise, I used to have the worst gym anxiety. Like for real. Rewind to my crazy running days, I would always choose the pavement over the treadmill. Even in the dead of winter, even in the blazing heat of summer. And running was something I was good at.

Fast forward to my weight-lifting debut. For about six months, I trained three days a week, at 5:20 a.m. behind a wall on the far side of the gym. Kind of pathetic, right? Seems so awkward to me now- sorry Danny for making you stand there with me, but thanks. In training at that time and place, I hoped to elude…everyone. Though I may have looked the part (sort of…thin, but not lean), I felt so out of place.

Slowly, we migrated out from behind the wall into the scary place that was the gym. My fear was so real. Until now, my only exposure to weights was in my exercise science classes in undergrad, and even that was limited. That said, the equipment was totally foreign to me and consumed me like a jungle gym would a small child.

I wish I could say that my seemingly high energy state at that hour was a function of having been well-rested; rather, my extreme anxiety (coupled with my pre-workout coffee :)) drove me to be on alert, always. On alert for what, you might ask? Good question. An extremely self-conscious individual, I cared way too much about what other people thought (and in keeping things honest on here, still do to a certain extent #workinprogress). You know what though? Doesn’t matter.

I have the unique perspective of being on the other side of things now, as a trainer, and am here to tell you that EVERYONE is having these thoughts. Young, old, male, female, fit, unfit; you are NOT alone. And even if you feel like everyone is looking at you, new flash: they’re not.

Following is a breakdown of your gym demographic and the primary focus of each (I realize there are exceptions):

- The Meathead: himself
- The Soccer Mom, Female Collegiate: calories burned (likely on the elliptical)
- The Senior: crosswords and coffee at the front; I hate to generalize but for most of them, social activity > physical activity
- The High School guy: pretending to know that he knows everything and his [maybe] bulging muscles
- The High School girl: how do I look (FYI: It’s a gym!! Sweat first. Look pretty later.); after-school gossip sesh with girlfriends
- You: everyone but you

I’ve gotten a whole lot better, but definitely still working on it. Not long ago, weights sans trainer never would have happened. For a while, my only form of weight training came in the form of group exercise. It’d become a fun something for me to do, but no longer gave me the challenge it once did. Because I didn’t want to lose what I’d worked so hard to gain, I finally mustered up the confidence to grab some heavy dumbbells from the floor and marched myself into the comfort zone that is Women’s Wellness (WW). [Note: Dragging weights, benches, etc. across the entirety of the gym is arguably more awkward than just using them, in place. Not to mention the stares you get when you walk into WW with dumbbells > 10 lbs. Or actually use the bench lol.] Though I haven’t ventured out onto the floor with weights, yet, I will. In however many baby steps it takes to get there, I will get to the point where I can walk up to the squat rack like I own it (ha if you know me at all, you know that legs are by far my favorite thing to train).

You’ve heard it before, and I’ll say it again, but sometimes you’ve just got to suck it up and deal. It might likely will not be comfortable, but that’s exactly why you need to get over yourself and just do it. I have learned it to be much less painful a process to confront a fear head on than to contemplate then contemplate some more. In my experience, when I give myself too much time to think, I over think. In some instances, there may be something to be said for that whole “act first, think later” mentality that I give my guy friends such a hard time for. Let me know what you think!

My story

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Laying the groundwork

I’ve always been a happy person, but at times that happiness came at a great expense. I was raised in a two-parent home in the affluent suburbs of Boston, went to good schools, had an extensive friend network and was involved in an array of extracurriculars. Basically, I couldn’t have asked for anything more. Though it may have seemed like I had it all, I really just maintained my composure well. In reality, I was tearing myself apart inside.

It all started in middle school. We had just moved into a new home, in a new town when my dad experienced a stressful life event. It was beyond his control, but still one that would have lasting adverse affects on our family for some time. Somehow, actually, not somehow… I know exactly how lol Type-A control freak in me, I allowed his stress to become my stress and unfortunately, my mechanisms for coping were…not good. I say this now, in retrospect, but at the time I thought everything was completely normal. With so much beyond my control, my stress began to manifest itself in tight control over what I could control: diet and exercise. This would quickly spiral into an obsession with perfection in all areas of my life.

Ironically, my struggles with food and exercise were not rooted in weight, or body image issues. After all, I had positive female role models all around me including a tremendously supportive mom and sister that I now call my best friend. Rather, my disordered eating and over-exercise behaviors developed as a mere symptom of my internal battle with myself.

High school was tough. I excelled on the field and in the classroom at one of the top high schools in the state, but so didn’t everyone. With the competition at school and the stress at home, I was living my life in a pressure cooker. So how did I cope? Think two-hour long dates with the treadmill or elliptical, AFTER practice, running on only 800 strategically-planned calories each day. I dropped weight that I didn’t have to lose, and became obsessed with having a perfect body, ALL of the time. I’d developed an intense fear of food, which I’d labeled either “good” or “bad”; bad was off-limits. Eating disorder rumors were rampant, threats from coaches ever present and widespread worry among family and friends. I was in major denial. I wore baggy sweats to hide my shrinking but still clinically “healthy” frame, avoided any and all social activities where there might possibly be food, and even skipped both of my proms as my body insecurities were so real that even the thought of wearing a dress terrified me. I refused the help that I so desperately needed and was scared, but determined to figure it out on my own. Perfectionists don’t need help, right? SO wrong!

Somehow I survived high school, though full of regret, and looked forward to the fresh start that I imagined college would provide. Still, I was naïve as to the new challenges that would await me on campus. Terrified of the weight I knew I needed to gain, I spent that summer before freshman year putting a valiant effort toward restoring my health to a somewhat more acceptable degree. What I neglected to realize then was that this battle was as much mental as it was physical. Yet, all of my focus was external.

I entered college with a huge life plan for myself. One that included medical school, marriage and kids, all by age thirty (does that scare you? because it honestly kinda freaks me out!). I’ve since come to the realization that life doesn’t always go according to plan, that it’s okay to not have a plan and that sometimes, it’s all for the better. I’ve learned to trust that, in the end, everything will be okay.

College

My college years got off to a shaky start. I spent a semester at the University of Maryland- College Park before transferring to WakeForestUniversity the spring of my freshman year. There, I declared a major in Health and Exercise Science as soon as I was able. Despite my past, it was what I loved and I wanted to learn everything there was to learn about it. Even then, it was in the back of my head that perhaps one day I could use my knowledge and personal experience to help other girls through similar struggles. Though scoffed at by some as the “gym teacher’s major”, I didn’t give it second thought. It seemed relevant to my intended career path and I’d figure out what to do with it later.

I’d be lying if I said my time at Wake was easy as those years were, in fact, some of the most stressful years of my life thus far. I had just begun to get over my issues when I was thrown into an environment where many girls had just set foot down a path that I’d long ago discovered. I scheduled engagements around my workouts (if you could call them that; I only ran) like I would a class, maintained a strict vegetarian diet consisting of vegetables, fruit, protein bars, dry cereal and Whole Foods salad bar, almost exclusively (I became a vegetarian at the ripe old age of 12, really only as a legitimate excuse to cut out entire food groups). If I was going to be drinking at night, you can bet that there was some serious restriction going on during the day to account for those extra calories. And even when I drank, I never exceeded a calorie count that hadn’t been allocated for. I never once came home from a night of drinking and ate, and sadly never took part in late-night Papa John’s with my peers. Ironically, I wanted none of this but I’d been practicing these [destructive] behaviors for so long that they’d become habit.

From a weight standpoint, I guess you can say I spent those years in maintenance mode. I didn’t gain and I didn’t really lose, but only now do I realize just how unsustainable my maintenance mode really was. I subjected myself to twice daily weigh-ins, and allowed that number to define my day. A cardio queen at heart, I was running for HOURS each day on little to no sleep and insufficiently fueled. When I wasn’t in class, studying or playing dorm mom to my first-year residents, I was either running, planning the day’s eats, or with friends, assuming the latter two items had first been accomplished. I ran when I had nothing to do, even if I’d already been out for a run earlier in the day. It was my outlet… for everything. At the time, I convinced myself I loved it. So much so that one semester I ran 9 miles each morning before class in preparation for a half-marathon. It sucked.

Toward the end of my sophomore year, one of my classmates took part in a weekend-long certification seminar offered by Metabolic Effect. There, she was introduced to The ME Diet, which apparently she thought crazy runner-girl me needed to read. She couldn’t have been more right (go add to your library, now!!). Let me note here that this classmate was merely an acquaintance, and one to whom I will be forever grateful. Following that certification weekend, she approached me after class and told me about the book. I was intrigued, and couldn’t totally write off this stranger who cared enough to share in her experience. I won’t spoil it for you, but authors Jade and Keoni Teta introduce the idea of hormonal exercise within the context of a fat-loss lifestyle. Not a plan that you are on or off, rather something that anyone can do, anywhere…forever. And, it’s science-based… a huge draw for the school-nerd in me. Though I wasn’t ready for change then, the seed was planted: exercise could be efficient, and nutrition didn’t have to be a daily stress. Still, I continued to run.

Junior year was followed by a relatively uneventful senior year then graduation, the festivities of which I did not take part. Not having attained the GPA standard I’d set for myself, though strong, I elected (and later regretted) to not walk with my class. And, I had no plan- a Type-A’s worst nightmare. Somewhere along the way, I chose not to pursue medical school. Instead, I thought I’d take a gap year and enter PA school after that. I realize now that I never even really wanted PA school, but that it was a socially acceptable alternative to the highly respectable profession I once desired.

First year post-grad; the turning point

I found myself a week out from graduation employed as a Wellness Coach at a YMCA. I worked mostly with guys who gave me a hard time, half-jokingly, about my cardio habits… “Why would you run when you can lift weights?” They all offered to train me, but despite the knowledge that my body needed weights, stubborn me was determined now more than ever to not “lift weights” lol. Then, I crossed paths with Danny. Like the rest of the guys, he too offered the training but took a different and arguably more effective approach. Instead of attacking the running so-to-speak (yes, the old me interpreted their generous training offers as an attack on my running…funny how the mind works, no?!), he said something along the lines of “I know running’s your thing but if you ever want to train, just let me know,” and left it at that. I had no intention of taking him up on his offer, but I was a tired runner and little did I know, about to hit rock bottom.

I was out for a five-mile run onto which I’d added three miles as punishment (since the first five weren’t fast enough) and near tears. I’d gotten pretty good at running through pain, but my body was breaking down. I remember sitting at home post-run, on the couch, icing everything and overwhelmed by defeat. My body had failed me. It was at this point that I realized that this was no way to live and that I was ready for, or at least open to change. So, I texted Danny.

It’s definitely been a process, and an ongoing one at that, but my head is finally in the right place. It’s been almost a year since our first session and not only am I hooked on weights, but that obsession with long-duration cardio has become a thing of the past. That number on the scale? I have no clue and I honestly don’t care. I haven’t weighed myself since I started lifting weights, but I feel good strong and am probably the healthiest small I’ve ever been.

Realizing that I was and am not alone in having these crazy thoughts (yes, I still have them…I’m just better able to respond) has given me the confidence to share my story with all of you.

So, that’s me in a nutshell. Welcome to the blog!